Memoirs Of A Big Dog
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: KuroFai. Kuro-pu thinking over what all has happened since the beginning. Sappy.  Sweet.  Fluffy.  Dash of angst.  And some humor. Both blatant and hidden.  :   Enjoy


Summary: Kurger-burger remembers some things, and reflects on the future. Most definite KuroFai.

Warnings: BL, but nothing graphic. Angsty. Fluffy. Sappy. Mild OOCness for Kuro-rin.

Disclaimer: Alas, I wish I did, but I don't.

Memoirs of a Big Dog

...

Your hair... it reminds of moonlight. Did you know that? Pale, always shimmering under the light; under the sun, under the moon, under the streetlights. Your eyes. Blue. Blue, blue, blue. Sometimes dark as a sapphire ocean, sometimes pale as the azure summer sky, but always, always **so** blue.

You were pretty.

I think I first realized on that night in Outo Country. Oh, I'd watched you for a while, mage. I'd saw the masks, the walls you built; I saw through that facade you tried to hide behind. But I don't think I realized that you were pretty until that night. Sitting there, broken. Weak. Streetlight and moonlight casting you in shadows. I could see in your eyes- more demons lurked within than could ever lurk without. That was one of the first times you let your guard down for even the merest fraction of a second around me. I'd shocked you, I think. Shocked you into lowering that wall, into showing that pain and anger, guilt and sadness. But only for a moment. Then it was gone, like smoke. Almost as if I had imagined it.

You were hiding something behind that damned mask of yours. And I knew I could not trust you.

I was right, of course. But by then, it was far, far too late.

I was crazy. I knew that then, and I know it now. I had to be. Binding myself to you for eternity, just to save your life. Knowing you didn't want to live. That's what pissed me off. You'd never take a knife to yourself, or drown yourself. Never, not like that. But you were so willing, ready to die for anyone and everyone else. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time- the right thing by everyone. The pork bun, the kid, the princess... everyone would have been sad if you'd died that day. Myself included, I realized.

So even if you hated me for it- which I knew you would before I ever agreed with the Dimensional Bitch. I'd rather have you alive and hating me than not alive at all. I just didn't know how hard it would be.

The first time you called me 'Kurogane', in that plain, simple tone of voice... it felt like something within me shattered.

I might have been stubborn, I might not have **wanted** to see it then, but that was when I knew. Stupid or not. Crazy or not. Mage or not... mask or not. I loved you.

When I knew what I had to do to save you that other time... I did it without thinking. Such a small, small price to pay. I always found myself saving you, even when you didn't want it. I knew who you were then. I knew just what you'd been hiding- or, at least I knew enough. And strangely I didn't find myself hating you for it. I loved you even more. My life was tied to yours. Without you... I knew I'd lost everything I'd found. I wasn't quite sure what I'd found, though. But I knew I didn't want to loose it.

True strength.

I still don't quite understand it. Oh, I know. I figured out what it meant. But it's one of those things. The definition is never quite the same twice in a row. Ephemeral, fleeting. Constantly changing, constantly flowing.

But I knew I found it. As long as I had you there, I knew I had it. You constantly annoy me, at every turn. The kid's learned to keep his distance when we fight.

Our fights now have more... interesting... outcomes.

It first happened back in Nihon. It seems like ages and ages ago, but I don't guess it was really all that very long, was it? You'd expected me to bark and growl about your payment to the Bitch, but I didn't. I think we came to some understanding during that time. A pleasant understanding.

No, we never stopped arguing- and I doubt we ever will. You're still as annoying as ever, and you still smile too much and laugh too much. But, at least it's not a mask anymore. I like you this way much better. You still want to run and hide if anything's bothering you- but I don't let you get away with it for long. And you seem to have found a new lease on life. We both have really.

I think we learned something from all of this. Not about running away. Not about True Strength- although, yes, we did that too.

I think... I think what we learned from this, is that it's not about running away from home. Or running towards home. Home is where you **want** to be. So... jumping from world to world- for even long than we know, or like to admit- we were home.

~Fin

(Addendum: Hehehhe. Kurogane doesn't know I found this. But then... he shouldn't leave such things behind when he leaves. He'd probably have a fit to know I'm reading through his things while he's off on another world. Especially personal things like this. But... I'm happy. Kurogane has found his strength, found his home. And I am oh-so-happy that he finally realizes this. Opps. There's Souma calling. Time to go. Hehehe. Well, let's just hope thing stay this happy for him, always!)


End file.
